© 2010 Erika Boyer

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a little blog about a little book on building and maintaining the relationship with your child

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The Value of a Life

How many times in your life have you acknowledged to yourself that your life has value?

Most of us rarely think about it, much less make a point of verbalizing what we bring to the table of humanity. For the most part, what we put on our resume is about as self-elevating as we'll ever admit to and even then sometimes we're not comfortable with how good we look on paper. Most of us are pretty humble when it comes to describing ourselves and our contributions to the world.

But what if that wasn't the case? What if, from the moment we came into this world the people on the OUTSIDE of us acknowledged the good on the INSIDE of us? What if we arrived on earth feeling wanted and expected and welcome right off the bat? And what if that feeling never changed and we went our whole lives knowing that we matter, that we bring something unique to the people we touch in the world, that we are deserving of the good things that happen to us? What would that be like?

A huge number of people living on this planet were the result of unplanned pregnancies, who came into this life unexpectedly, unwanted, sometimes unloved. Born into a current of fear and regret and feeling like a burden throughout their childhood. How many adults do you know who feel undeserving, unlovable, unappealing, unimportant, uninvited? How many people have you loved who didn't know how to love you back, or couldn't or wouldn't accept your love, who thought there was something wrong with YOU for loving them, because it's VERY clear to them that they're not lovable? Or has that been YOU on occasion? How about this one; "I can't date him/her, they're way too NICE for me." Are they too nice or are you too uncomfortable with someone being THAT good to you? Are you one of those "other shoe" people, who is always expecting something to go wrong and blow your chance at happiness? How do we get this way?

Children have amazing intuitions. They know when something is not right in their environment, they know when they're loved and appreciated and they certainly know when they're not. If you choose to have a child, make the choice to honor that child as well. Treat that child as if it matters, as if it's the most important thing that's ever happened to you, because very likely it is. Make a point of verbally acknowledging the things you're learning from your relationship with your child and all of the good things he or she brings to your experience, I don't care if that child is 2 or 52. People need to know they MATTER. Save yourselves some heartache and therapy down the road. Love each other. You came here to learn together. It's never too late to heal some hurts. Tell them.

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Introduction

To Whom it May Concern:
Whether you are aware of it or not, as your child, I am the greatest blessing you’ll ever receive. I arrived at the perfect time, under the perfect conditions, with perfect intentions. I am your greatest teacher and your ideal student. Every moment we spend together teaches us both something about loving and relating that will stay with us for life. I have chosen you for the unique qualities and values that you bring to my experience here, lessons necessary to fulfill my purpose in life. As much as I need your guidance in order to survive, you also need my contribution to your growth as a human being, to become the best person that you can be and to fulfill your own plan. Thank you for giving me life.
Respectfully,
Your Child