"I am not acceptable."
"I am a selfish brat."
"Who I am is not ok."
"I am fat."
"I am worthless."
"No one will want me."
"I am a burden."
"I can't do anything 'right'."
"I don't listen."
"I never finish anything."
"I don't deserve _________."
"I am not wanted."
"I am invisible."
"I will be a terrible mother."

Does any of this sound familiar?
I read a blog post tonight Discovering Hidden Beliefs About Identity, that struck a chord with me personally. In it the author describes a process of finding your own Self-limiting beliefs based on what you were told or made to feel as a child and how those beliefs become cemented into your psyche at a very young age, following you throughout your life, sabotaging your chances at success.

I have heard that 50 percent of what we believe about ourselves and the world is ingrained in our consciousness by the age of four.  By the time we are twelve, we have already subconsciously accepted 75 percent of our 'personal reality' to be universal truth, and by the age of eighteen, we are operating on auto-pilot with our beliefs about the world 90 percent of the time.  Only the remaining 10 percent do we learn as adults.  Think about that.  Our parents and family are our introduction to the world.  Nearly everything we absorb about how life works and how we fit into our world comes from our family environment and what we learn from our friends or teachers in adolescence. 

What you believe about yourself shapes every aspect of your life.   I know parents who make it a point to give their children every opportunity for success and reinforce their child's positive self-image in every way possible, but sadly that's not always the case.  It surely wasn't at my house growing up.  I'm not saying that parents deliberately sabotage their children, but many times that's the end result.  Parents are human.  They have bad days.  They get frustrated and say things they don't mean sometimes and sometimes that one statement speaks to a child's self-worth in a way that has life long consequences.  Our parents had parents too.  They have their own self-worth issues and in some families that reality is passed down through generations, creating a blood line of 'black sheep' or irresponsibility or over-achieving that never ends.  How much do you know about your parents' childhood, what the family structure was, what they believe about themselves, having lived that experience? 

Affirmations and positive thinking can only take you so far in your adult life if you have a core belief that nothing you do turns out right.  If you've been 'programmed' to be unsuccessful, how can you create the kind of life you want?  How do you even know what that looks like if you've never experienced it?

For instance, if your family home was chaotic, noisy, and your parents fought all the time, how are you to create a peaceful and serene environment for yourself and attract a partner who is respectful and kind?  If you've witnessed abuse between your parents or have been abused yourself, how do you learn to trust?  If your parents are always in crisis or leave you alone to fend for yourself, how do you learn to be a more effective and engaged parent as an adult?  Everything we do effects them on a conscious or subconscious level.  No one gets out unscathed, I don't care how good a parent you are...you are going to scar your children somehow.

The key is to be aware, to be conscious of your actions, of your tone, of your offhand or angry remarks and to realize that every action you take, every word you say is shaping the future of that child in some way.
In your child's eyes, you have more power than you can imagine.  Use it wisely and lovingly.